"No One Starts Out Wanting to be in an Abusive Relationship...
I still believe that my ex-husband actually wanted to rescue me from the dysfunctional home where I had grown up. He portrayed his family as a warm, loving, ‘normal’ family because that’s what he wanted them to be.
Years later when my younger daughter was a teenager, in referring to her father, she said, `Mom, never underestimate the power of denial.'
And that’s how it worked, for him and me. For a long time I denied what was. I was always going to come up with the “right way” to do things so his abuse would stop. If I could just measure up, this wouldn’t happen. My perceptions became more skewed as the years went on, and I became more and more depressed. I couldn’t see what was obvious to my two daughters...a safe happy home can’t exist within a cycle of violent outbursts followed by short-lived kindnesses.
Safe Connections was the place where I left the cycle. My therapist worked with me to change the ideas that had been ingrained in my brain about how stupid and worthless I was. She helped me uproot these beliefs and replace them with the truth. That is almost impossible to do on your own.
Many of the people in our life would not have understood or worse—would have said the wrong thing to my husband—never realizing what a problem that would cause for me behind closed doors. Safe Connections was a safe place that I knew I could trust. Safe Connections supported me when I came up with a plan to leave.
My life has dramatically changed since my transformative years at Safe Connections. Then, I worked full time and went to school full time. Now, I have completed two degrees at Washington University and am a mental health therapist overseeing my own private practice. I’ve been happily remarried for a number of years to someone who is loving and supportive.
My daughters are strong, beautiful young women who understand how to have healthy relationships.
I pray that the doors of Safe Connections will always be open to people like me and my daughters who need a chance to not just survive, but thrive.”
By donating today, you are also helping thousands of other women, men and teens who call our 24-hour Crisis Helpline, benefit from therapy and support group programs and participate in our violence prevention education programs. You are making a real difference, one person at a time, and for that we thank you.
Please make a year-end gift today. We need and truly appreciate your support.
*Julie is a pseudonym.